Wordless Wednesday- Some recent pics of my girl

Feels the same but different

Friday was my yearly OB appointment. I talked awhile with my doctor about trying to get pregnant. The truth is we have been off the pill since March and although I am cycling (irregularly) I suspect I am not ovulating. She agreed although I did go by an OPK last night and will begin testing at the end of this week. I begged her to give me some Femara to let me try on my own but she would not budge. She feels that we would be "wasting time" and I should just go back to the RE and "get it done." Easier said than done. Its emotionally hard for me to go through all this shit again. The blood work, U/S, baby making ALL while trying to raise a very demanding 18month old!!! Sometimes I feel like I will be robbing her of time with me but I have to put that out of my mind. The truth is I am doing this for her!! My husband and I are only children......if I do not give her a sibling she will be all alone in this world after we are gone. I pains me to think that way but its the truth. SO we will forge on, pray for this to work as quickly as it did the last time and hope for a miracle.

Still Here

I am still here. Its hard to believe that my baby girl is 17months old. She is beautiful and sassy, and loving and everything I ever thought she would be and more. I love her more than I could ever imagine and cant wait to get home everyday to spend time with her. Its with that said that I also have a confession. I want another baby in the worst way. Sometimes when I say that I feel like I am cheating her. I made an appointment with my OB on 8/20 and then an appointment with the RE 9/21. I have been off the pill since March and not really trying but also not preventing. I secretly dreamed that maybe I would be one of those women who gets shocked to find out she got pregnant the 2nd time around without even really "trying". I guess that's not the case.

I am scared and excited all at once. I want more than anything to give baby girl a sibling. I only hope that I can be blessed one more time to have the experience.

Here's to praying for success!!!!

Courtney B:)

Changes in 2010

I am trying to keep with some New Years Resolutions this year so I changed/updated the look and title of this blog. Its hard to believe I started this blog before we knew if Paige was a boy or a girl and here we are already coming up on her 1 year birthday next month.

Here are some of my resolutions/goals:
1) Lose at least 20 pounds before September
2) Create a will with Hubby
4) Try to become a more positive person
5) Create new and exciting memories and traditions with my beautiful daughter

It's Paige's world we just live in it:)

Its been a busy couple of months that is for sure. I cant believe Christmas and New Years is over and done with already. The holidays are so much more exciting now that we have a little one to share it with. Paige is doing great right now. She is on the verge of walking any day now. She creeps all over the house by holding onto different pieces of furniture and toys. She can stand on her own unassisted for longer periods of time and she is getting very brave. Any day now she is going to let go and just start walking:) She also scoots on her butt when sitting down to get to where she needs to go. She took after her month and never crawled which I think it hysterical. At first I was obsessing about this and why she wasn't following the What to Expect the First Year milestones to a tee. But finally I realized she is her own person and she will do everything when ready. I remember over the summer when DH's aunt was watching her for us. She has 4 kids of her own and we often call her the guru because she has pretty much tackled everything when it comes to kids. Anyway at that point I happened to be stressing because I didn't think Paige was vocal enough at 6months. After expressing my concern she loving looked at me and said "Courtney they all walk and talk by the time they go to pre-school." At the time it didn't mean much but I often go back to that statement. It is SO true. I realized she is her own person and will do what she wants when she is ready. I will not push her to crawl if she prefers to scoot on her butt:) And as for being vocal well lets just say my house is filled with MANY LOUD noises coming from her all day long HAHAHA

Her ears continue to be a problem. We saw an ENT and decided tubes are the best option SO she will have the surgery 1/21/10. I realize we literally have no other option at this point but I worry for her and don't ever want her to feel pain. I pray everything will go fine and she will recover quickly.

Why do children have to get teeth or have ears?

OMG we are having issues.......Paige seems to be cutting teeth like its her day job. This of course is great but it makes her cranky and I cant stay I blame her. She will put something in her mouth and then all of a sudden cry. My poor baby

EARS!!! Still having issues with these damn ears. We are on our 4th antibiotic and now the infection is in the left ear rather than the right. The doctor said "wow that one looks like it hurts" I feel so bad for my little angel. She is sleeping very restlessly probably because her damn ear is killing her.....so needless to say we are off to a specialist. I see tubes in her future but don't really want to say that out loud. I am thankful she doesn't have anything more serious or a raging fever. Fevers scare the crap out of me for young infants.

Halloween was great this year. My in-laws came over to help us with the door. we get a TON of kids so it would not be possible for us to walk her around without someone Manning the door. We had homemade tortellini soup and warm rum cider drinks YUMMMMM We put Paige in her fairy Halloween costume and walked her around our neighborhood. It was a great night and just seems to make the holidays so much more enjoyable!!!

Thoughts

Ahhhhhhhh what a couple of weeks it has been. Paige just cant seem to stay healthy. First we cancel our trip to Florida due to a nasty ear infection and now she has another one or the same one that just didn't clear up. She has been pulling on the ear and i knew something was up but it didn't seem to bother her unless she was tired. I thought perhaps it was just a habit she had started. Then Tuesday night I knew something wasn't right. I picked her up from daycare and she immediately fell asleep in the car. Normally she would wake up smiling and laughing but not this time. WOOHOO she was pissed. She felt warm and sure enough she had a temp. Panic mode starts to set in, you see I am deathly afraid of swine flu at this point. I think about it constantly so the second she gets even a low grade temp I freak!!!!. After getting her down at 8pm I decided our rectal thermometer wasn't working and needed one for the night because what if she woke up roasting and I didn't have an accurate thermometer. So off I went to Rite Aid at 8:30pm on a cold rainy Wednesday night. While driving through "town" i spot a popular restaurant/bar on the right with a few young looking girls outside smoking cigarettes and laughing their asses off. And then I realize..........WOW how life has changed. 5 years ago I was that girl. Out on a Wednesday night laughing and having a good time without a care in the world. Now I am the stressed out mom who is slightly over weight and frantically driving to Rite Aid to get a RECTAL THERMOMETER. When did that happen I ask myself?

Sleeping has been alittle tough because Paige is not sleeping well. At 4:30am she started stirring. I scooped her up and brought her in bed with me. This has become our new routine and we both enjoy it. Usually if I do this she will sleep until 6 or even 7. I semi-sleep and just watch her sleep most of the time. Our position is always the same. We both turn our bodies to face each other basically nose to nose. I can feel her breath on my face and its so peaceful. Sometimes she will reach out for me and just lay her hand on my face. This morning we both woke up at the same time. So there we are at 5:30am in the morning staring at each other.....nose to nose. I say "Hi Baby girl" she puts the biggest smile on her face and makes alittle coo and I MELT. By far the best moment I have had in a while. At that point I realized our bond is so strong. I am by far her favorite person and she is mine. At some point this will change and she wont even want to be seen with me but for right now we are totally BFF's:)