Feels the same but different

Friday was my yearly OB appointment. I talked awhile with my doctor about trying to get pregnant. The truth is we have been off the pill since March and although I am cycling (irregularly) I suspect I am not ovulating. She agreed although I did go by an OPK last night and will begin testing at the end of this week. I begged her to give me some Femara to let me try on my own but she would not budge. She feels that we would be "wasting time" and I should just go back to the RE and "get it done." Easier said than done. Its emotionally hard for me to go through all this shit again. The blood work, U/S, baby making ALL while trying to raise a very demanding 18month old!!! Sometimes I feel like I will be robbing her of time with me but I have to put that out of my mind. The truth is I am doing this for her!! My husband and I are only children......if I do not give her a sibling she will be all alone in this world after we are gone. I pains me to think that way but its the truth. SO we will forge on, pray for this to work as quickly as it did the last time and hope for a miracle.