Cycle Day# 23 the last cycle before it gets interesting

I am still here. Still numb. Still frustrated
I started this month with 7.5 mg of Femara for CD3-7. They brought me in on CD 10 and 12. By CD#12 I had a front runner on my right side that was 14 1/2. That is the biggest egg I have ever had. I thought this was an achievement (even if it was on the wrong side) but apparently Dr. S does not think so. I got a call from the nurse the next day saying he wants to start me on inject ables. I still don't know the details but she told me that this process becomes much more involved and I will be monitored closely. We go in 12/22 for a meeting with Dr. S and then a teach session on how to give the shots. After receiving the call I was a bit in shock. I let the news set in and when I got home the hubs and I had a talk. My bottom line is that I will do what it takes to get this done. He made me promise when we started this journey that I would not get "crazy" and be realistic. I have tried really hard to keep my emotions under control. I haven't cried too much about my failed cycles and tried to remain positive. I have always said that if I could look into the future and KNOW with certainty that a pregnancy would be the end result I would do WHATEVER it takes. But isn't that the problem with infertility, you never know what the end result is going to be. You never know that if you just did one more cycle, moved to inject ables, IUI, IVF if that would be the BFP cycle. That is what keeps me on this roller coaster ride. For now I will ride and try and fight for another baby, but at some point I guess I might have to make the decision to get off. We will see:)

Cycle Day #12 Numb

So today was cycle day#12 and I had to go in for my 2nd U/S to check whats cook in with my eggs. I was there over the weekend on Cd#10 and I had some 7, 8's and one 10 1/2 on the right side (I am a left UU). I had made my appointment for today at 12:20 and when I got to work I realized I had a 1pm meeting. I called the office and changed my appointment to 10:20am. Only I had to leave early because its snowing here today and really bad out. NO REALLY bad outside. I made it there 5minutes late only to find no spots in the parking lot (I made my own). Then proceeded to wait 45minutes to be seen. FRUSTRATION, ANGER, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANXIETY SET IN........

There was grown on the right side. The egg which was 10 1/2 is now 14 1/2 and there is a second egg which is approx a 10. The left side has some 9 and a 10 I believe. They wanted to possibly see me again and I said no. I will test at home to see if I actually ovulate. I guess the positives are that its only cycle day 12 and I have a bigger egg than I ever have had before BUT its on the wrong side!!! Right now I just feel so pissed off at the world. I am so pissed off that I have to go through this to get pregnant or maybe to not get pregnant. WHY does everything always have to be a process for me. I need to vent, to cry, to scream but I cant because I am at work. I will just sit here and fester and watch the snow fly by out the window!!!