Going Through the Motions

Hubs and I went for a meeting with the RE on 12/22. The first 5 minutes of the meeting was spent discussing NHL and I was just starting to get annoyed (glaring at my husband) when we got down to business to discuss my vagina and other lady parts. Bottom line is that the RE does not feel that I am responding to Femara. Even though I did get a positive OPK on CD19 last cycle. We are moving onto injectables (Follostim) and then Ovadril to trigger and then IUI. He explained the risks, the monitoring, the statistics etc etc etc. I listened and agreed we had our "teach" session on the shots with the nurse and left. In the back of my mind I was thinking wouldn't it be a miracle if I got pregnant this month and didn't have to go through all this. I never say these things out loud but in my mind I think about it. I was calm and hoping for a miracle. Two days later we drove the 5 hours to my parents for a weeks stay for the Holidays. All was good and i wasn't thinking too much about anything one way or another.

Then out of the blue I got my AF on Christmas Eve at my mom's house right before all our relatives arrived. I looked at the toilet paper and my heart sank. I literally felt that horrible pit in my stomach and just starred at the tp. I picked myself up and got on with the day because there was no way I would ever ruin Christmas for Paige. We had an amazing time and she was so much fun. That little girl brings so much light into my life and I love her beyond words.

There was no way we could do the injectable cycle this month because I needed to be home for blood work and US on cycle#3 and I also don't have my shots yet (DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHAT I AM DEALING WITH TO GET THESE DRUGS). So I decided to do another round of Femara on my own. That means one more try before things go to another level and I start injecting myself daily. I am doing my OPK at home and I am one CD14 now, no positives to speak of as of this morning.

Last night hubs and I were laying in bed talking. He told me that he believes we will eventually have another baby. It might take a few years but we will get there. I am a glass half empty, he is a glass half full. Hearing his positivity always makes me feel better. I turned to him and said everything we are going through now makes me realize what a miracle Paige was. I truly feel blessed to have her. I think about all the women who are still trying for their first BFP after years of infertility. I don't stand in that group because i broke through and got my miracle. I am forever grateful to all the powers and be as well as my ovaries, 1 tube & uterus for making that happen. Am I being greedy to want 1 more? I don't know but I guess I will find out.